Sorry
by Melody Syper Carston
Summary: It's my fault that he's not here. I wasn't there to protect him... I was too busy talking to HER. I feel awful for not being out there to stop him. I can't hear him forgive me  if he ever would have  and worst of all he can't hear me apologize. HikaxKao
1. Sorry

**A/N: *eye twitches* Well… I might be a little harsh on these characters today (as in death… )'cos I want someone in my life to drop dead at the moment. Oh well you'll just have to make do with it. *muttering/ sing to self (I do that when I get mad...)* I just want to get revenge.. **

**Disclaimer: Disclaimed.**

***Ever heard the song God Only Cries by Diamond Rio? Good song… **

**Let's continue shall we? We shall.**

**X~*~X**

_Will you listen to my story?  
It'll just be a minute…  
How can I explain?_

"I hate you Hikaru! I don't give a damn if you talk to Haruhi and ignore me!" Kaoru yelled willing back tears.

"Just go to hell!" I yelled back.

Kaoru threw his books and notes to the ground and fled the school building tears falling from his eyes.

Minutes after I started to actually talk to Haruhi about something Tamaki ha suggested they do for the Host Club, I heard screams and shouting and the squeal of tires. I wasn't bothered.

It distracted Haruhi though. She gasped. "Hika-Hikaru…" she whispered her wide eyes growing wider (if at all possible.) "Oh my god… He just got hit." She mumbled.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked turning around to look out of the window to see people crowding around the hood of a truck. I could see crimson blood leaking onto the pavement and grabbed my bag up off of the floor to walk outside towards the group. "What happened?" I asked calmly.

"Hikaru…!" girls gasped and threw their arms around me. "We're so sorry!"

"What? What happened?" I was worried about what was going on. Obviously it wasn't good.

"Someone hit—"

I didn't need the rest of the sentence. I could finally see what had happened. My stomach was replaced with a ball of ice and my heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest. "Kaoru!" I yelled shoving my way through the crowd towards my long since dead brother. "Kaoru wake up you can't do this to me!" My throat burned but I choked back sobs and willed back tears watching the blood soak into my ruined uniform. "No… This can't be right… Damn it!"

**X~*~X**

_For once I actually blame myself for what happened to him… Not _Her_ or _Him _but me… my fault… my own stupidity… my own mistake. I can't believe I was so careless. I wasn't paying attention to him. I was too busy talking to _her. _I can't believe myself…! I had to talk to her and wasn't there to protect him… god I'm so damn stupid! I'll never forgive myself. I feel horrible. Why wasn't I thinking? Was it because I was too wrapped up in the fact that I was actually talking to _her_ alone? Wow… I really am selfish… Now he's gone… I think the worse part about the fact that Kaoru is gone is that we had had a fight not five minutes before that and he had stormed out of the school without me and Haruhi had popped up in front of me and asked me a question… I could say that it was her fault, but it wasn't. I could've ignored her and followed you. Since I was mad at you I decided to talk to her and cool down a little. _

_That's when it happened. Kaoru had been blinded by tears and his vision was blurry and he wasn't paying attention to anything except the fact that he had to get away from me. The black truck hadn't seen him as he darted through the parking lot and hit him with full force. By the time I had gotten out there, Kaoru had already lost too much blood. _

_I feel awful for not being out there to stop him. I can't hear him forgive me (if he ever would have) and worst of all he can't hear me apologize. _

**X~*~X**

The funeral was the following Tuesday and the Host Club, our family, and our customers at the Host Club, and anyone else who decided to agree to the invitation attended. I stood in a group with the club. None of them said a word about Kaoru's absence. Instead they talked about positive things to distract me. Hunny had given me Usa-chan which I had taken with a quiet "Thank you…" Other than that I didn't really say anything.

The funeral was closed casket since he had been hit and half of his face had been unrecognizable. Who would want to see something like that when we were technically trying to give him the best goodbye possible? Our—_my_ mom had wanted to cremate the body since we had done it for my grandfather and great-grandparents and my mom's siblings when they had all died but I had had an emotional breakdown when she suggested it. I couldn't stand to watch my brother's body, though he wouldn't have felt it he was dead after all, burn. It was definitely out of the question.

During the service I stay silent just staring at the completely white casket still in shock that this wasn't just my imagination or Kaoru wasn't just sick with a stomachache and couldn't come to whose ever funeral this actually was but instead it was _his_ funeral.

The burial was awful. The environment was too… un-depressing. The sun was shining and across the street at the park children were laughing and playing and enjoying themselves. In and oak tree next to us, a bird as chirping happily. I wanted to throw a rock at its head to shut it up but I refrained by staring at the intricate pattern of roses and lilies and irises that were on top of the casket. I had helped my grandmother arrange them.

Few words were said, the casket was lowered, and everyone left.

Except me.

I didn't leave my brother's side. I couldn't leave. As soon as I was sure that everyone was gone… only then did I break down and cry. "It's all my fault…" I whispered my voice cracking. Hot tears poured from my eyes and dropped onto the newly dug grave. "Kaoru you're gone because of _me_… because of my short temper… Damn it!" I growled rubbing my eyes on my sleeve furiously. I stood there silent, save for the hiccups every few seconds, staring at the mound of dirt that was overflowing with flower bouquets strewn over it. "What am I going to do…?" the thought struck me with such impact that it sent me staggering to my knees. "I'm sorry… for everything. "Forgive me… Kaoru. I love you"

Icy wind brushed my cheek lovingly almost longingly."I'm sorry Hikaru… sorry for leaving you. I'll never forget that… never forget you. I forgive you… I'll stay by your side. I swear that.I love you." Kaoru's almost silent voice promised determinedly through the wind.

**X~*~X**

_Will you listen to my story?  
It'll just be a minute…  
How can I explain?_

What ever happened here  
Never meant to hurt you  
How could I cause you so much pain?

When I say I'm sorry  
Will you believe me?  
Listen to my story  
Say you won't leave me  
When I say I'm sorry  
Can you forgive me?  
When I say I'll always be there  
Will you believe  
Will you believe me?

All the words that I come up with  
They're like gasoline on flames  
There's no excuse  
No explanation  
Believe me  
If I could I'd undo what I did wrong  
I'd give away all that I own

When I say I'm sorry  
Will you believe me?  
Listen to my story  
Say you won't leave me  
When I say I'm sorry  
Can you forgive me?  
When I say I'll always be there  
Will you believe  
Will you believe me?

If I told you  
I've been cleaning my soul  
And if I promised you  
I'll regain control  
Will you open your door  
And let me in?  
Take me for who I am  
And not for who I've been?

Who I've been...

When I say I'm sorry  
Will you believe me?  
Listen to my story  
Say you won't leave me  
When I say I'm sorry  
Can you forgive me?  
When I say I'll always be there  
Will you believe?

When I say I'm sorry  
(When I say I'm sorry)  
When I say I'm sorry  
(When I say I'm sorry)  
When I say I'm sorry  
Can you forgive me?  
When I say I'll always be there  
Will you believe?

**X~*~X**

**A/N: Wow… that turned out better than I planned. Amazing. I think I'll write something dealing with Kaoru's death again after I post this except with a different plan as to where that one goes. Those lyricas above (yes I said lyricas) are to Chris Daughtry's song **_**Sorry,**_** which I am currently in love with. **

**Tell me what ya think! I welcome all criticism! Negative and positive! Please review so I know that you people love this or hate this or don't know what to think! (You don't need membership)**

**~TiL dEaTh Do We Part **

—**Melody Syper C. **


	2. I know

**A/N:**

**Okay look, I know that it is Japanese tradition that when a person dies they are to be cremated and their ashes be thrown into the wind BUT it specifically says in the chapter before:"****Our—**_**my**_** mom had wanted to cremate the body (…) but I had had an emotional breakdown when she suggested it. I couldn't stand to watch my brother's body (…) burn. It was definitely out of the question."**

**So it's not like I didn't know the tradition! I chose to write the funeral scene differently! **

**Also, I apologize for the mistakes (Grammatical, story pace, run-ons, spelling… etc.) I **_**might **_**rewrite this just so that the errors can be corrected… I highly doubt it though because I am really, really lazy and don't feel up to it. But if I do then there ya go.**

**Thank you to my reviewers and the wonderful criticism I received. I'm glad you enjoyed it!**

**I know I'm not suppose to write a full chapter of just author notes but I had to share my thoughts on this topic because I was bound to get some sort of complaint… yeah.**

**Thank you to those who actually read this (I doubt many) but whatever.**

**~TiL dEaTh Do We PaRt~**

—**Melody Syper Carston— **


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